I get these panic attacks / pop a Xanex relax
Trying to stick my fuckin’ dick inside a mannequin’s ass
Ah with those immortal words my favorite rapper of all time returned after a 5 year absence. And so inspired by those words and my resurgent interest into all things vagina, I’ve decided to reboot my blog.
I’ve had an interesting 8 months since my last post. I was laid off in Dec. and remain unemployed. My persistent health problems got significantly worse but then resolved after moving apartments. In true LA pickup artist fashion, I live just above the Sunset Strip in West Hollywood now.
I also took a Love Systems bootcamp with Cajun and Tenmagnet. They said positive things about my game and watching them made me feel pretty good about where I am. They’re great at what they do, no doubt about it though. But I think I’m 90% there.
So stay tuned kiddies for some entertaining stories of me trying to bump fuzzies with the women of LA…...
X
Monday, August 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Day Game Anecdote
3 PUA’s and I attacked the Grove on Sunday for a little day game. Doc sees 3 girls and opens them with “Hey which one of you girls is single?” Two girls point to a 3rd and he runs the set for 5 minutes or so. A few minutes later the 4 of us are standing around and the girls come back.
Girl 1: We just wanted to know…was that some sort of social experiment? Because we are all in our mid-twenties and none of us have ever been approached that way before. We all checked our wallets when you left. Was there a point to that?
Doc: Yeah…to pick you up.
Xander: We’re pick up artists
Girl: 1: Oh…cool.
Girls walk away and we all look at each other and burst out laughing…..
X
Girl 1: We just wanted to know…was that some sort of social experiment? Because we are all in our mid-twenties and none of us have ever been approached that way before. We all checked our wallets when you left. Was there a point to that?
Doc: Yeah…to pick you up.
Xander: We’re pick up artists
Girl: 1: Oh…cool.
Girls walk away and we all look at each other and burst out laughing…..
X
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Plowin' through shit tests
I try to avoid talking about game with girls because they uniformly react negatively to it. They abhor the tactical aspect because it’s the antithesis of romance I suppose. But without it we are left with ineffective platitudes like the universally retarded advice “Just be yourself”. Uh, thanks but “being myself” has gotten me a gold medal in chronic masturbating, you have any other nuggets of wisdom Dr. Phil?
The reason guys can’t just be themselves or just walk up and say “hi” (as is often suggested by my well-meaning but clueless girl-friends) is because we know the consequences. Case in point……
I’m out the night before Thanksgiving and things are dead except for one local bar which is hopin’. I spy with my eye a 2 set and open….
X: Hey, you guys look interesting, are you friendly?
HBBrunette: No (I think I got a negative response because in order to get to them I had to get way into their space)
X: Sweet, me neither, I’m kind of a dick actually but we can be bitter together tonight. Hey, I have a question for you….how often do you get approached in a place like this? (this is my standard opener)
HBBarracuda: Never
X: Interesting…we were at dinner with our girfriends and they were saying –
HBBarracuda: Why are you talking to us if you have a girlfriend?
X: *Pause* Female friends if you want to be particular
HBBrunette: I think it’s ok
X: So yeah we hardly ever see guys approach girls anymore, we mostly just -
HBBarracuda: Are we on camera?
X: .Yes it’s right there, smile. Yeah sometimes you’ll see guys send in a scout to try to pick up -
HBBarracuda: I don’t know what you are talking about
X: *looking at her drink* How many of those have you had?
HBBarracuda: This is my first
X: Anyway, what I was saying was -
HBBarracuda: Are you here by yourself?
X: Yes, I live in the bar and I come out at night to entertain people
HBBarracuda: You aren’t doing a very good job.
X: (laughing but stumbling a little)….
HBBrunette: You caught us at a bad time…we haven’t seen each other in 5 years and we’re catching up tonight.
I fluff talk for another minute or so before getting the “well it was nice to meet you” blowout from the brunette.
X: Ok have a good night you guys
HBBarracuda: You too…and take care of those pearly whites. *smiles*
So a couple of things…one, as I said, this is a frequent response to most guys just walking up to a group of girls so I hope my female readers understand why we guys are apt to employ some kind of gameplan. Luckily I almost never get this because my body language / non-verbal communication is usually better. Secondly, notice how quickly the girls turned as I passed their shit tests. The brunette did a 180 almost immediately as I ignored her initial rejection and HBBarracuda (who was probably a 9…beautiful blonde with really big boobs…if you are into such things..hehe) gave me a nice compliment / IOI on my smile as I ejected. I think if I didn’t stumble on the “You aren’t doing a very good job” line I would have had them (the correct response would have been “It gets a lot worse, stick around” Credit: Sinn)
We also got the “Are we on camera?” line a few times throughout the night. Stupid reality show….
X
The reason guys can’t just be themselves or just walk up and say “hi” (as is often suggested by my well-meaning but clueless girl-friends) is because we know the consequences. Case in point……
I’m out the night before Thanksgiving and things are dead except for one local bar which is hopin’. I spy with my eye a 2 set and open….
X: Hey, you guys look interesting, are you friendly?
HBBrunette: No (I think I got a negative response because in order to get to them I had to get way into their space)
X: Sweet, me neither, I’m kind of a dick actually but we can be bitter together tonight. Hey, I have a question for you….how often do you get approached in a place like this? (this is my standard opener)
HBBarracuda: Never
X: Interesting…we were at dinner with our girfriends and they were saying –
HBBarracuda: Why are you talking to us if you have a girlfriend?
X: *Pause* Female friends if you want to be particular
HBBrunette: I think it’s ok
X: So yeah we hardly ever see guys approach girls anymore, we mostly just -
HBBarracuda: Are we on camera?
X: .Yes it’s right there, smile. Yeah sometimes you’ll see guys send in a scout to try to pick up -
HBBarracuda: I don’t know what you are talking about
X: *looking at her drink* How many of those have you had?
HBBarracuda: This is my first
X: Anyway, what I was saying was -
HBBarracuda: Are you here by yourself?
X: Yes, I live in the bar and I come out at night to entertain people
HBBarracuda: You aren’t doing a very good job.
X: (laughing but stumbling a little)….
HBBrunette: You caught us at a bad time…we haven’t seen each other in 5 years and we’re catching up tonight.
I fluff talk for another minute or so before getting the “well it was nice to meet you” blowout from the brunette.
X: Ok have a good night you guys
HBBarracuda: You too…and take care of those pearly whites. *smiles*
So a couple of things…one, as I said, this is a frequent response to most guys just walking up to a group of girls so I hope my female readers understand why we guys are apt to employ some kind of gameplan. Luckily I almost never get this because my body language / non-verbal communication is usually better. Secondly, notice how quickly the girls turned as I passed their shit tests. The brunette did a 180 almost immediately as I ignored her initial rejection and HBBarracuda (who was probably a 9…beautiful blonde with really big boobs…if you are into such things..hehe) gave me a nice compliment / IOI on my smile as I ejected. I think if I didn’t stumble on the “You aren’t doing a very good job” line I would have had them (the correct response would have been “It gets a lot worse, stick around” Credit: Sinn)
We also got the “Are we on camera?” line a few times throughout the night. Stupid reality show….
X
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Vacation / Halloween / Dying of the Plague
My trip to Mexico lacked any gaming opportunities as the bars were empty save for a few whales that beached themselves in the downtown bars. Apparently it was the slow season in Puerto Vallarta and the tourist were further scared off by some Mafia murders that happened a few weeks prior. The only set all weekend were a pair of attractive sisters from Scottsdale that I picked up. My target and I were sitting together and she was trying to guess my sign, which led to this exchange:
Girl: Are you very particular? Like about food or keeping your place tidy?
Me: Not really (note how clever an answer this is)
Girl: Are you very sexual?
Me: Yes
Girl: Well every guy is sexual. But do you like to fuck or are you more sensual?
Me: (*thinking that the plot just thickened*) No. I like to fuck. I’m very dominant in bed.
Unfortunately later when I asked her if she was sexual she said no and that she was very conservative. After awhile she still seems to like me but the pull wasn’t happening so I got her number since she was visiting LA the following weekend.
Halloween….ended up at Pauly Shore’s house just above the Comedy Store on Sunset. I dressed up as Joe the Plumber complete with plunger, measuring tape, and McCain / Palin shirt. It was a great party and I had a number of good interactions. The best one was a super cute girl dressed as Sarah Palin. I thought it was really on but her friend ended up getting tanked and she had to take care of her.
The highlight of the evening was this….I’m walking around outside and a girl grabs my arm and says “Will you come with me?” I go inside the house with her thinking Halloween is like Xmas for the single guy. We get up to a staircase going upstairs where a bouncer is stationed. She says, “I need to use your plunger” and grabs it out of my hand and goes upstairs. The bouncer starts laughing his ass off and says, “The girls bathroom is up there”, just as the girl turns around and says “I promise I’ll wash it!” and goes into the bathroom. When she comes down later with it I say, “It’s OK you can keep it.” Ewwwww…….
After the party I text the Scottsdale girl that I met in Mexico. My friend and I meet up with her and her friend at 2:30am. The friend is smoking hot – a solid 9.5. We grab Jerry’s Deli, they are being really sexual and fun, and we take the food back to my place. Somehow the energy dies and nothing happens…..not really sure what happened but I end up taking them back at 4am. My friend and I argue about what went wrong. Chalk it up to learning…..
I’m finally healthy after being sick for 6 weeks or so. I went to the doctor last week and after some blood tests he said I have allergies or AIDS or something. I wasn’t really listening. The point is I’ll be back in the field at full strength shortly.
X
Girl: Are you very particular? Like about food or keeping your place tidy?
Me: Not really (note how clever an answer this is)
Girl: Are you very sexual?
Me: Yes
Girl: Well every guy is sexual. But do you like to fuck or are you more sensual?
Me: (*thinking that the plot just thickened*) No. I like to fuck. I’m very dominant in bed.
Unfortunately later when I asked her if she was sexual she said no and that she was very conservative. After awhile she still seems to like me but the pull wasn’t happening so I got her number since she was visiting LA the following weekend.
Halloween….ended up at Pauly Shore’s house just above the Comedy Store on Sunset. I dressed up as Joe the Plumber complete with plunger, measuring tape, and McCain / Palin shirt. It was a great party and I had a number of good interactions. The best one was a super cute girl dressed as Sarah Palin. I thought it was really on but her friend ended up getting tanked and she had to take care of her.
The highlight of the evening was this….I’m walking around outside and a girl grabs my arm and says “Will you come with me?” I go inside the house with her thinking Halloween is like Xmas for the single guy. We get up to a staircase going upstairs where a bouncer is stationed. She says, “I need to use your plunger” and grabs it out of my hand and goes upstairs. The bouncer starts laughing his ass off and says, “The girls bathroom is up there”, just as the girl turns around and says “I promise I’ll wash it!” and goes into the bathroom. When she comes down later with it I say, “It’s OK you can keep it.” Ewwwww…….
After the party I text the Scottsdale girl that I met in Mexico. My friend and I meet up with her and her friend at 2:30am. The friend is smoking hot – a solid 9.5. We grab Jerry’s Deli, they are being really sexual and fun, and we take the food back to my place. Somehow the energy dies and nothing happens…..not really sure what happened but I end up taking them back at 4am. My friend and I argue about what went wrong. Chalk it up to learning…..
I’m finally healthy after being sick for 6 weeks or so. I went to the doctor last week and after some blood tests he said I have allergies or AIDS or something. I wasn’t really listening. The point is I’ll be back in the field at full strength shortly.
X
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Well said....
There's an interesting post up on Gawker attempting to tackle the age-old question that sent Freud to his grave....what do women want?
An astute female commenter named Imjustskinny put it nicely "I want someone to TELL me what I want ;)"
X
An astute female commenter named Imjustskinny put it nicely "I want someone to TELL me what I want ;)"
X
Friday, October 17, 2008
Leavin' ....on a jet plane....
Little slow on the posts lately. I’ve been sick twice in a month. First I had food poisoning for a few days where I felt like I was dying. Woke up fine Saturday morning, by Saturday afternoon I felt like I was aborting a porcupine from my womb with a wire hanger. Now I have a cold, undoubtedly caught from the walking Petri dishes in my office. More than half my office has it and they were kind enough to infect me. In the last year and a half I think I’ve been sick about a dozen times. The combination of going out so much and not sleeping enough has left me with an immune system roughly as proficient as Magic Johnson’s. At this rate I’ll achieve my Pickup goals only to die at 37 of Bubonic Plague.
Girl update…..Bobby Fisher petered out in bizarre fashion. Her phone was shut off – not just off but disconnected – for a week and half. A few texts here and there and she stopped responding. Working on a very attractive girl that I met the week after I met Bobby Fisher. She gave me half a hand job in a burger joint the night I met her. She definitely wants to sleep with me but she lives far away and it’s been a month and a half since I met her out. I can’t believe she’s still returning my texts and calls.
Other than that I am going to Mexico on vacation all next week…. Hoping to score an easy vacation lay in between chilling on the beach. Will keep you posted….
X
Girl update…..Bobby Fisher petered out in bizarre fashion. Her phone was shut off – not just off but disconnected – for a week and half. A few texts here and there and she stopped responding. Working on a very attractive girl that I met the week after I met Bobby Fisher. She gave me half a hand job in a burger joint the night I met her. She definitely wants to sleep with me but she lives far away and it’s been a month and a half since I met her out. I can’t believe she’s still returning my texts and calls.
Other than that I am going to Mexico on vacation all next week…. Hoping to score an easy vacation lay in between chilling on the beach. Will keep you posted….
X
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
NWLR: No Work Lay Report
“My bed’s filled with takeaways…. and fantasies of easy lays….” – Robbie Williams
Every once in awhile the pickup Gods smile upon you. Sometimes all you have to do is smile back. Saturday night was one such instance. My wing Alonzo invited me to a work party in Venice. I was feeling a little old as the party had the feel of a house party with young girls, a keg, and drinks being served out of the fridge. Good looking girls though in between all the hipsters. I loathe hipsters. No I don’t listen to the Jonas Brothers; they’re awful and purity rings are for 14-year old girls.
Any way around 11pm Alonzo opens a very cute girl and seems to hit it off, leaving me to my own devices. I’m walking through a courtyard area when a blonde girl with a nose ring kicks the back of knee.
Girl: Oh…..sooorry (very sarcastically)
Me: That’s going to cost you.
I had noticed her earlier. She was really cute, about 5’10”, an inch or so taller than me, and I had planned on approaching her anyway. I plop myself down next to her and immediately start qualifying her. You are very outgoing I like that. etc, etc. We talk about nothing in particular; she mentions that she has a dog, to which I say
“If I ever got a dog I would name him Stains….that way everyone would call him and say ‘Come stains…..come stains’”
She cracks up for a solid 30 seconds. A little more fluff talk. She talks about how she has 2 jobs so when she’s not working she likes to “watch lots of bad reality TV and have lots of sex.” I’m in. I make her laugh again and she leans into me as she’s laughing. I put my arm around her and bring her closer. I go in for the kiss…..full blown makeout session in the courtyard ensues. She pulls me in by my collar which really turns me on.
She says she has to go to the bathroom and I suggest I’ll get a couple of more drinks in the meantime. They are out of alcohol. Perfect! In retrospect I should have just said that anyway. I suggest we go to the nearby bar to continue the party. As we are walking out she says
“Oh I have to tell my sister I’m leaving” (pulls out phone and starts texting) “Taking off…if you are OK, I’ll see you in the morning” Guess we won’t be needing that 2nd drink, will we. :)
Hop in my car, start back to my place. She puts her hand on my junk and starts talking dirty. Awesome. She puts her heels up on my dash board as I throw my hand down her pants. Hands down pants + driving = very difficult. She unbuttons my jeans and starts driving stick shift. Double awesome. I’m all over the fucking road…but somehow make it home. Bring her upstairs and give her all I got. Total time from initiating conversation to giving her the ‘ol stick-and-stir? Under 40 minutes.
I rule!
X
Every once in awhile the pickup Gods smile upon you. Sometimes all you have to do is smile back. Saturday night was one such instance. My wing Alonzo invited me to a work party in Venice. I was feeling a little old as the party had the feel of a house party with young girls, a keg, and drinks being served out of the fridge. Good looking girls though in between all the hipsters. I loathe hipsters. No I don’t listen to the Jonas Brothers; they’re awful and purity rings are for 14-year old girls.
Any way around 11pm Alonzo opens a very cute girl and seems to hit it off, leaving me to my own devices. I’m walking through a courtyard area when a blonde girl with a nose ring kicks the back of knee.
Girl: Oh…..sooorry (very sarcastically)
Me: That’s going to cost you.
I had noticed her earlier. She was really cute, about 5’10”, an inch or so taller than me, and I had planned on approaching her anyway. I plop myself down next to her and immediately start qualifying her. You are very outgoing I like that. etc, etc. We talk about nothing in particular; she mentions that she has a dog, to which I say
“If I ever got a dog I would name him Stains….that way everyone would call him and say ‘Come stains…..come stains’”
She cracks up for a solid 30 seconds. A little more fluff talk. She talks about how she has 2 jobs so when she’s not working she likes to “watch lots of bad reality TV and have lots of sex.” I’m in. I make her laugh again and she leans into me as she’s laughing. I put my arm around her and bring her closer. I go in for the kiss…..full blown makeout session in the courtyard ensues. She pulls me in by my collar which really turns me on.
She says she has to go to the bathroom and I suggest I’ll get a couple of more drinks in the meantime. They are out of alcohol. Perfect! In retrospect I should have just said that anyway. I suggest we go to the nearby bar to continue the party. As we are walking out she says
“Oh I have to tell my sister I’m leaving” (pulls out phone and starts texting) “Taking off…if you are OK, I’ll see you in the morning” Guess we won’t be needing that 2nd drink, will we. :)
Hop in my car, start back to my place. She puts her hand on my junk and starts talking dirty. Awesome. She puts her heels up on my dash board as I throw my hand down her pants. Hands down pants + driving = very difficult. She unbuttons my jeans and starts driving stick shift. Double awesome. I’m all over the fucking road…but somehow make it home. Bring her upstairs and give her all I got. Total time from initiating conversation to giving her the ‘ol stick-and-stir? Under 40 minutes.
I rule!
X
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