3 PUA’s and I attacked the Grove on Sunday for a little day game. Doc sees 3 girls and opens them with “Hey which one of you girls is single?” Two girls point to a 3rd and he runs the set for 5 minutes or so. A few minutes later the 4 of us are standing around and the girls come back.
Girl 1: We just wanted to know…was that some sort of social experiment? Because we are all in our mid-twenties and none of us have ever been approached that way before. We all checked our wallets when you left. Was there a point to that?
Doc: Yeah…to pick you up.
Xander: We’re pick up artists
Girl: 1: Oh…cool.
Girls walk away and we all look at each other and burst out laughing…..
X
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Plowin' through shit tests
I try to avoid talking about game with girls because they uniformly react negatively to it. They abhor the tactical aspect because it’s the antithesis of romance I suppose. But without it we are left with ineffective platitudes like the universally retarded advice “Just be yourself”. Uh, thanks but “being myself” has gotten me a gold medal in chronic masturbating, you have any other nuggets of wisdom Dr. Phil?
The reason guys can’t just be themselves or just walk up and say “hi” (as is often suggested by my well-meaning but clueless girl-friends) is because we know the consequences. Case in point……
I’m out the night before Thanksgiving and things are dead except for one local bar which is hopin’. I spy with my eye a 2 set and open….
X: Hey, you guys look interesting, are you friendly?
HBBrunette: No (I think I got a negative response because in order to get to them I had to get way into their space)
X: Sweet, me neither, I’m kind of a dick actually but we can be bitter together tonight. Hey, I have a question for you….how often do you get approached in a place like this? (this is my standard opener)
HBBarracuda: Never
X: Interesting…we were at dinner with our girfriends and they were saying –
HBBarracuda: Why are you talking to us if you have a girlfriend?
X: *Pause* Female friends if you want to be particular
HBBrunette: I think it’s ok
X: So yeah we hardly ever see guys approach girls anymore, we mostly just -
HBBarracuda: Are we on camera?
X: .Yes it’s right there, smile. Yeah sometimes you’ll see guys send in a scout to try to pick up -
HBBarracuda: I don’t know what you are talking about
X: *looking at her drink* How many of those have you had?
HBBarracuda: This is my first
X: Anyway, what I was saying was -
HBBarracuda: Are you here by yourself?
X: Yes, I live in the bar and I come out at night to entertain people
HBBarracuda: You aren’t doing a very good job.
X: (laughing but stumbling a little)….
HBBrunette: You caught us at a bad time…we haven’t seen each other in 5 years and we’re catching up tonight.
I fluff talk for another minute or so before getting the “well it was nice to meet you” blowout from the brunette.
X: Ok have a good night you guys
HBBarracuda: You too…and take care of those pearly whites. *smiles*
So a couple of things…one, as I said, this is a frequent response to most guys just walking up to a group of girls so I hope my female readers understand why we guys are apt to employ some kind of gameplan. Luckily I almost never get this because my body language / non-verbal communication is usually better. Secondly, notice how quickly the girls turned as I passed their shit tests. The brunette did a 180 almost immediately as I ignored her initial rejection and HBBarracuda (who was probably a 9…beautiful blonde with really big boobs…if you are into such things..hehe) gave me a nice compliment / IOI on my smile as I ejected. I think if I didn’t stumble on the “You aren’t doing a very good job” line I would have had them (the correct response would have been “It gets a lot worse, stick around” Credit: Sinn)
We also got the “Are we on camera?” line a few times throughout the night. Stupid reality show….
X
The reason guys can’t just be themselves or just walk up and say “hi” (as is often suggested by my well-meaning but clueless girl-friends) is because we know the consequences. Case in point……
I’m out the night before Thanksgiving and things are dead except for one local bar which is hopin’. I spy with my eye a 2 set and open….
X: Hey, you guys look interesting, are you friendly?
HBBrunette: No (I think I got a negative response because in order to get to them I had to get way into their space)
X: Sweet, me neither, I’m kind of a dick actually but we can be bitter together tonight. Hey, I have a question for you….how often do you get approached in a place like this? (this is my standard opener)
HBBarracuda: Never
X: Interesting…we were at dinner with our girfriends and they were saying –
HBBarracuda: Why are you talking to us if you have a girlfriend?
X: *Pause* Female friends if you want to be particular
HBBrunette: I think it’s ok
X: So yeah we hardly ever see guys approach girls anymore, we mostly just -
HBBarracuda: Are we on camera?
X: .Yes it’s right there, smile. Yeah sometimes you’ll see guys send in a scout to try to pick up -
HBBarracuda: I don’t know what you are talking about
X: *looking at her drink* How many of those have you had?
HBBarracuda: This is my first
X: Anyway, what I was saying was -
HBBarracuda: Are you here by yourself?
X: Yes, I live in the bar and I come out at night to entertain people
HBBarracuda: You aren’t doing a very good job.
X: (laughing but stumbling a little)….
HBBrunette: You caught us at a bad time…we haven’t seen each other in 5 years and we’re catching up tonight.
I fluff talk for another minute or so before getting the “well it was nice to meet you” blowout from the brunette.
X: Ok have a good night you guys
HBBarracuda: You too…and take care of those pearly whites. *smiles*
So a couple of things…one, as I said, this is a frequent response to most guys just walking up to a group of girls so I hope my female readers understand why we guys are apt to employ some kind of gameplan. Luckily I almost never get this because my body language / non-verbal communication is usually better. Secondly, notice how quickly the girls turned as I passed their shit tests. The brunette did a 180 almost immediately as I ignored her initial rejection and HBBarracuda (who was probably a 9…beautiful blonde with really big boobs…if you are into such things..hehe) gave me a nice compliment / IOI on my smile as I ejected. I think if I didn’t stumble on the “You aren’t doing a very good job” line I would have had them (the correct response would have been “It gets a lot worse, stick around” Credit: Sinn)
We also got the “Are we on camera?” line a few times throughout the night. Stupid reality show….
X
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Vacation / Halloween / Dying of the Plague
My trip to Mexico lacked any gaming opportunities as the bars were empty save for a few whales that beached themselves in the downtown bars. Apparently it was the slow season in Puerto Vallarta and the tourist were further scared off by some Mafia murders that happened a few weeks prior. The only set all weekend were a pair of attractive sisters from Scottsdale that I picked up. My target and I were sitting together and she was trying to guess my sign, which led to this exchange:
Girl: Are you very particular? Like about food or keeping your place tidy?
Me: Not really (note how clever an answer this is)
Girl: Are you very sexual?
Me: Yes
Girl: Well every guy is sexual. But do you like to fuck or are you more sensual?
Me: (*thinking that the plot just thickened*) No. I like to fuck. I’m very dominant in bed.
Unfortunately later when I asked her if she was sexual she said no and that she was very conservative. After awhile she still seems to like me but the pull wasn’t happening so I got her number since she was visiting LA the following weekend.
Halloween….ended up at Pauly Shore’s house just above the Comedy Store on Sunset. I dressed up as Joe the Plumber complete with plunger, measuring tape, and McCain / Palin shirt. It was a great party and I had a number of good interactions. The best one was a super cute girl dressed as Sarah Palin. I thought it was really on but her friend ended up getting tanked and she had to take care of her.
The highlight of the evening was this….I’m walking around outside and a girl grabs my arm and says “Will you come with me?” I go inside the house with her thinking Halloween is like Xmas for the single guy. We get up to a staircase going upstairs where a bouncer is stationed. She says, “I need to use your plunger” and grabs it out of my hand and goes upstairs. The bouncer starts laughing his ass off and says, “The girls bathroom is up there”, just as the girl turns around and says “I promise I’ll wash it!” and goes into the bathroom. When she comes down later with it I say, “It’s OK you can keep it.” Ewwwww…….
After the party I text the Scottsdale girl that I met in Mexico. My friend and I meet up with her and her friend at 2:30am. The friend is smoking hot – a solid 9.5. We grab Jerry’s Deli, they are being really sexual and fun, and we take the food back to my place. Somehow the energy dies and nothing happens…..not really sure what happened but I end up taking them back at 4am. My friend and I argue about what went wrong. Chalk it up to learning…..
I’m finally healthy after being sick for 6 weeks or so. I went to the doctor last week and after some blood tests he said I have allergies or AIDS or something. I wasn’t really listening. The point is I’ll be back in the field at full strength shortly.
X
Girl: Are you very particular? Like about food or keeping your place tidy?
Me: Not really (note how clever an answer this is)
Girl: Are you very sexual?
Me: Yes
Girl: Well every guy is sexual. But do you like to fuck or are you more sensual?
Me: (*thinking that the plot just thickened*) No. I like to fuck. I’m very dominant in bed.
Unfortunately later when I asked her if she was sexual she said no and that she was very conservative. After awhile she still seems to like me but the pull wasn’t happening so I got her number since she was visiting LA the following weekend.
Halloween….ended up at Pauly Shore’s house just above the Comedy Store on Sunset. I dressed up as Joe the Plumber complete with plunger, measuring tape, and McCain / Palin shirt. It was a great party and I had a number of good interactions. The best one was a super cute girl dressed as Sarah Palin. I thought it was really on but her friend ended up getting tanked and she had to take care of her.
The highlight of the evening was this….I’m walking around outside and a girl grabs my arm and says “Will you come with me?” I go inside the house with her thinking Halloween is like Xmas for the single guy. We get up to a staircase going upstairs where a bouncer is stationed. She says, “I need to use your plunger” and grabs it out of my hand and goes upstairs. The bouncer starts laughing his ass off and says, “The girls bathroom is up there”, just as the girl turns around and says “I promise I’ll wash it!” and goes into the bathroom. When she comes down later with it I say, “It’s OK you can keep it.” Ewwwww…….
After the party I text the Scottsdale girl that I met in Mexico. My friend and I meet up with her and her friend at 2:30am. The friend is smoking hot – a solid 9.5. We grab Jerry’s Deli, they are being really sexual and fun, and we take the food back to my place. Somehow the energy dies and nothing happens…..not really sure what happened but I end up taking them back at 4am. My friend and I argue about what went wrong. Chalk it up to learning…..
I’m finally healthy after being sick for 6 weeks or so. I went to the doctor last week and after some blood tests he said I have allergies or AIDS or something. I wasn’t really listening. The point is I’ll be back in the field at full strength shortly.
X
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Well said....
There's an interesting post up on Gawker attempting to tackle the age-old question that sent Freud to his grave....what do women want?
An astute female commenter named Imjustskinny put it nicely "I want someone to TELL me what I want ;)"
X
An astute female commenter named Imjustskinny put it nicely "I want someone to TELL me what I want ;)"
X
Friday, October 17, 2008
Leavin' ....on a jet plane....
Little slow on the posts lately. I’ve been sick twice in a month. First I had food poisoning for a few days where I felt like I was dying. Woke up fine Saturday morning, by Saturday afternoon I felt like I was aborting a porcupine from my womb with a wire hanger. Now I have a cold, undoubtedly caught from the walking Petri dishes in my office. More than half my office has it and they were kind enough to infect me. In the last year and a half I think I’ve been sick about a dozen times. The combination of going out so much and not sleeping enough has left me with an immune system roughly as proficient as Magic Johnson’s. At this rate I’ll achieve my Pickup goals only to die at 37 of Bubonic Plague.
Girl update…..Bobby Fisher petered out in bizarre fashion. Her phone was shut off – not just off but disconnected – for a week and half. A few texts here and there and she stopped responding. Working on a very attractive girl that I met the week after I met Bobby Fisher. She gave me half a hand job in a burger joint the night I met her. She definitely wants to sleep with me but she lives far away and it’s been a month and a half since I met her out. I can’t believe she’s still returning my texts and calls.
Other than that I am going to Mexico on vacation all next week…. Hoping to score an easy vacation lay in between chilling on the beach. Will keep you posted….
X
Girl update…..Bobby Fisher petered out in bizarre fashion. Her phone was shut off – not just off but disconnected – for a week and half. A few texts here and there and she stopped responding. Working on a very attractive girl that I met the week after I met Bobby Fisher. She gave me half a hand job in a burger joint the night I met her. She definitely wants to sleep with me but she lives far away and it’s been a month and a half since I met her out. I can’t believe she’s still returning my texts and calls.
Other than that I am going to Mexico on vacation all next week…. Hoping to score an easy vacation lay in between chilling on the beach. Will keep you posted….
X
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
NWLR: No Work Lay Report
“My bed’s filled with takeaways…. and fantasies of easy lays….” – Robbie Williams
Every once in awhile the pickup Gods smile upon you. Sometimes all you have to do is smile back. Saturday night was one such instance. My wing Alonzo invited me to a work party in Venice. I was feeling a little old as the party had the feel of a house party with young girls, a keg, and drinks being served out of the fridge. Good looking girls though in between all the hipsters. I loathe hipsters. No I don’t listen to the Jonas Brothers; they’re awful and purity rings are for 14-year old girls.
Any way around 11pm Alonzo opens a very cute girl and seems to hit it off, leaving me to my own devices. I’m walking through a courtyard area when a blonde girl with a nose ring kicks the back of knee.
Girl: Oh…..sooorry (very sarcastically)
Me: That’s going to cost you.
I had noticed her earlier. She was really cute, about 5’10”, an inch or so taller than me, and I had planned on approaching her anyway. I plop myself down next to her and immediately start qualifying her. You are very outgoing I like that. etc, etc. We talk about nothing in particular; she mentions that she has a dog, to which I say
“If I ever got a dog I would name him Stains….that way everyone would call him and say ‘Come stains…..come stains’”
She cracks up for a solid 30 seconds. A little more fluff talk. She talks about how she has 2 jobs so when she’s not working she likes to “watch lots of bad reality TV and have lots of sex.” I’m in. I make her laugh again and she leans into me as she’s laughing. I put my arm around her and bring her closer. I go in for the kiss…..full blown makeout session in the courtyard ensues. She pulls me in by my collar which really turns me on.
She says she has to go to the bathroom and I suggest I’ll get a couple of more drinks in the meantime. They are out of alcohol. Perfect! In retrospect I should have just said that anyway. I suggest we go to the nearby bar to continue the party. As we are walking out she says
“Oh I have to tell my sister I’m leaving” (pulls out phone and starts texting) “Taking off…if you are OK, I’ll see you in the morning” Guess we won’t be needing that 2nd drink, will we. :)
Hop in my car, start back to my place. She puts her hand on my junk and starts talking dirty. Awesome. She puts her heels up on my dash board as I throw my hand down her pants. Hands down pants + driving = very difficult. She unbuttons my jeans and starts driving stick shift. Double awesome. I’m all over the fucking road…but somehow make it home. Bring her upstairs and give her all I got. Total time from initiating conversation to giving her the ‘ol stick-and-stir? Under 40 minutes.
I rule!
X
Every once in awhile the pickup Gods smile upon you. Sometimes all you have to do is smile back. Saturday night was one such instance. My wing Alonzo invited me to a work party in Venice. I was feeling a little old as the party had the feel of a house party with young girls, a keg, and drinks being served out of the fridge. Good looking girls though in between all the hipsters. I loathe hipsters. No I don’t listen to the Jonas Brothers; they’re awful and purity rings are for 14-year old girls.
Any way around 11pm Alonzo opens a very cute girl and seems to hit it off, leaving me to my own devices. I’m walking through a courtyard area when a blonde girl with a nose ring kicks the back of knee.
Girl: Oh…..sooorry (very sarcastically)
Me: That’s going to cost you.
I had noticed her earlier. She was really cute, about 5’10”, an inch or so taller than me, and I had planned on approaching her anyway. I plop myself down next to her and immediately start qualifying her. You are very outgoing I like that. etc, etc. We talk about nothing in particular; she mentions that she has a dog, to which I say
“If I ever got a dog I would name him Stains….that way everyone would call him and say ‘Come stains…..come stains’”
She cracks up for a solid 30 seconds. A little more fluff talk. She talks about how she has 2 jobs so when she’s not working she likes to “watch lots of bad reality TV and have lots of sex.” I’m in. I make her laugh again and she leans into me as she’s laughing. I put my arm around her and bring her closer. I go in for the kiss…..full blown makeout session in the courtyard ensues. She pulls me in by my collar which really turns me on.
She says she has to go to the bathroom and I suggest I’ll get a couple of more drinks in the meantime. They are out of alcohol. Perfect! In retrospect I should have just said that anyway. I suggest we go to the nearby bar to continue the party. As we are walking out she says
“Oh I have to tell my sister I’m leaving” (pulls out phone and starts texting) “Taking off…if you are OK, I’ll see you in the morning” Guess we won’t be needing that 2nd drink, will we. :)
Hop in my car, start back to my place. She puts her hand on my junk and starts talking dirty. Awesome. She puts her heels up on my dash board as I throw my hand down her pants. Hands down pants + driving = very difficult. She unbuttons my jeans and starts driving stick shift. Double awesome. I’m all over the fucking road…but somehow make it home. Bring her upstairs and give her all I got. Total time from initiating conversation to giving her the ‘ol stick-and-stir? Under 40 minutes.
I rule!
X
Monday, September 15, 2008
FR: Defeat snatched from the seemingly imminent hands of victory
Haven’t updated in awhile….I’ve been a little lazy and tried to stay off the computer. Couple of stories for you…here’s the first.
Two weeks ago we decide to go PUA old-school and head to The Standard in Hollywood. Not a big fan of the venue but it’ll do in a pinch. We are 3 guys so we go super early. So early in fact that we are literally the first ones there. Shortly thereafter a 3 set and a 2 set of girls arrive separately. I walk across and open the 2 set. Set is going well, nothing spectacular, wing comes in and takes the less attractive of the 2. I’m in with the other; we’ll call her Bobby Fisher. She’s a hottie; really sexy and a little taller than me…A dancer, just graduated from Berkley, studying for the LSAT. Moved her around the venue, lots of touching. A brief kiss. Then an almost kiss (credit Sinn). Probably did these out of order but whatever it didn’t matter she was super into me. I run Strawberry Fields (she said 20…nice). She follows up with a game of her own.
1. What’s you favorite color? (My answer: Royal Purple)
2. You are driving a stick shift car. What kind is it? (Audi)
3. I forget the 3rd question.
She tells me that the answers basically mean I am a freak. Her cold read is unconvincing (although accurate). We go to pull them home. They leave the club with us and the 4 of us walk across the street to my car. As I’m handing the ticket to the valet they are starting to have some doubts. The less attractive girl is visiting from out of town and might be able to charge a room at The Standard to her company. My wing suggests we do that. They are still conferring. I tell them I don’t live far, maybe 15 minutes. They decide they want to go back into the club because “it’s still early” (it’s about 12am). Crap. Why do girls have to ruin a good time by thinking?
Side bar: It’s funny that thinking is not something most of the girls I meet engage in very much. Yet at the point of pulling her home / going in to my room / pulling off her jeans she becomes Immanuel Fucking Kant and starts questioning things. All night you’ve had the attention span of a goldfish and now you are starting to think about things? Ugh. I wonder what goes through a girl’s mind. How well do I know this guy? Does he have an STD? Does he spend 90% of his free time studying how to pickup women? I really wonder. Usually what works best is distracting them with a story or a shiny object. I digress….
Back in the club. Bobby Fisher is giving me a lap dance while AFC’s (and a 60 year old woman) look on. The older woman is both annoying me by distracting my girl and arousing me by watching. It reminds me of when grandma watched me lose my virginity. :) jk. She just high-fived me the next day.
Bobby Fisher has to use the restroom, I do too. Walk to the back, I grab her, pin her against the wall and kiss, then walk off (solo) into the restroom. End of the night comes, she says they are leaving and kisses me goodbye. Number exchange. 2:10 AM comes. She calls. “At the comedy store, come by”. Swing by. She’s outside smoking a cigarette and drunkenly flirting with some guy. Goddamnit. We take off.
3:00am. I get home. She calls again. She is with her friend, eating at Mel’s dinner and wants to know what I’m doing. I tell her I’m at home. I tell her I will talk to her soon. 10 min later she texts:
“I want to be with you ”I text back to cab it to my place. She says ok and asks for the address. Around 4am she texts “We can’t find your place. We are lost and we want you. Direct us”. I call and give her directions. They are only about 5 minutes away. 4:15……4:20…..I call twice. No answer. I text “Lost?” No answer. Blast! Pass out on my couch at 4:30.
Checked my phone in the morning. Nothing. I text her with something like “Sorry I passed out on the couch right after I spoke with you. Did you guys make it home in one piece?”
We’ve texted and played a little phone tag. Oh and found out from my wing….Bobby Fisher, despite being a Berkley grad, is only 20. :)
Two weeks ago we decide to go PUA old-school and head to The Standard in Hollywood. Not a big fan of the venue but it’ll do in a pinch. We are 3 guys so we go super early. So early in fact that we are literally the first ones there. Shortly thereafter a 3 set and a 2 set of girls arrive separately. I walk across and open the 2 set. Set is going well, nothing spectacular, wing comes in and takes the less attractive of the 2. I’m in with the other; we’ll call her Bobby Fisher. She’s a hottie; really sexy and a little taller than me…A dancer, just graduated from Berkley, studying for the LSAT. Moved her around the venue, lots of touching. A brief kiss. Then an almost kiss (credit Sinn). Probably did these out of order but whatever it didn’t matter she was super into me. I run Strawberry Fields (she said 20…nice). She follows up with a game of her own.
1. What’s you favorite color? (My answer: Royal Purple)
2. You are driving a stick shift car. What kind is it? (Audi)
3. I forget the 3rd question.
She tells me that the answers basically mean I am a freak. Her cold read is unconvincing (although accurate). We go to pull them home. They leave the club with us and the 4 of us walk across the street to my car. As I’m handing the ticket to the valet they are starting to have some doubts. The less attractive girl is visiting from out of town and might be able to charge a room at The Standard to her company. My wing suggests we do that. They are still conferring. I tell them I don’t live far, maybe 15 minutes. They decide they want to go back into the club because “it’s still early” (it’s about 12am). Crap. Why do girls have to ruin a good time by thinking?
Side bar: It’s funny that thinking is not something most of the girls I meet engage in very much. Yet at the point of pulling her home / going in to my room / pulling off her jeans she becomes Immanuel Fucking Kant and starts questioning things. All night you’ve had the attention span of a goldfish and now you are starting to think about things? Ugh. I wonder what goes through a girl’s mind. How well do I know this guy? Does he have an STD? Does he spend 90% of his free time studying how to pickup women? I really wonder. Usually what works best is distracting them with a story or a shiny object. I digress….
Back in the club. Bobby Fisher is giving me a lap dance while AFC’s (and a 60 year old woman) look on. The older woman is both annoying me by distracting my girl and arousing me by watching. It reminds me of when grandma watched me lose my virginity. :) jk. She just high-fived me the next day.
Bobby Fisher has to use the restroom, I do too. Walk to the back, I grab her, pin her against the wall and kiss, then walk off (solo) into the restroom. End of the night comes, she says they are leaving and kisses me goodbye. Number exchange. 2:10 AM comes. She calls. “At the comedy store, come by”. Swing by. She’s outside smoking a cigarette and drunkenly flirting with some guy. Goddamnit. We take off.
3:00am. I get home. She calls again. She is with her friend, eating at Mel’s dinner and wants to know what I’m doing. I tell her I’m at home. I tell her I will talk to her soon. 10 min later she texts:
“I want to be with you ”I text back to cab it to my place. She says ok and asks for the address. Around 4am she texts “We can’t find your place. We are lost and we want you. Direct us”. I call and give her directions. They are only about 5 minutes away. 4:15……4:20…..I call twice. No answer. I text “Lost?” No answer. Blast! Pass out on my couch at 4:30.
Checked my phone in the morning. Nothing. I text her with something like “Sorry I passed out on the couch right after I spoke with you. Did you guys make it home in one piece?”
We’ve texted and played a little phone tag. Oh and found out from my wing….Bobby Fisher, despite being a Berkley grad, is only 20. :)
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